Dancing in the Dark


I am no dancer. When I was eight I begged my parents to let me have ballet lessons like my younger sister. She was graceful and elegant and artistic. I was not. A year later my parents bribed me to stop ballet, offering me violin lessons instead. I must have been truly dreadful for them … Continue reading Dancing in the Dark


Rising (I will go on)

‘I can only ever be resilient if I’m allowed to fall apart and not cope in the times when I can’t cope…most of the time I reckon we just need lots of hugs.’ Words of wisdom from my friend Tanya Marlow, a writer and fellow ME sufferer, in a Facebook comment, June 2019. You can … Continue reading Rising (I will go on)

Falling (I cannot go on)

Trigger warning: suicide This post is a description of past events and does not, in any way, describe my feelings at the time of writing or posting it. ****** Some days I think maybe I’ve got this living with chronic illness thing sorted. Other days, really not. Usually I have a good cry, pick myself … Continue reading Falling (I cannot go on)

Sex, Whales, and a French Psychiatrist

1989 I am in a small town in Alsace for my year abroad. I started the year determined, once again, to ignore my symptoms and ‘act normal’ as advised by my dismissive college GP, hoping that this time – four years since I first got ill and still with no idea what is going on … Continue reading Sex, Whales, and a French Psychiatrist

Healing (?) Prayer

This isn’t the post I was expecting to write. I’d started a different one and stalled. Then yesterday I read this very interesting article about disability theology and I immediately felt compelled to write about my own unhelpful experiences of healing prayer (there have also been many good ones). I fear it is maybe more … Continue reading Healing (?) Prayer

The Price is NOT Right (but sometimes I’m willing to pay it anyway)

Choices, choices... I joined a church Lent Group (2 hours at the vicarage one evening a week, permission to lie on the sofa, say nothing, and leave early) and, for the first two weeks, was a bit worried that by doing so I had inadvertently sacrificed being able to do anything else at all for … Continue reading The Price is NOT Right (but sometimes I’m willing to pay it anyway)